Potion Pines
by RockSunner
Summary: Like other stories in the "Potionate" series, this is another way things could have gone wrong with the love potion on the day of the Woodstick concert. All characters belong to Alex Hirsch, not me. Has Pinecest and other ships.
1. Brotherly Intervention

Like other stories in the "Potionate" series, this is another way things could have gone wrong with the love potion on the day of the Woodstick concert. All characters belong to Alex Hirsch, not me. Has Pinecest and other ships.

 **Potion Pines**

 **Chapter 1 – Brotherly Intervention**

Dipper was being carried around Thompson's garage by Lee, celebrating his "greatness" for thinking of a way to sneak snacks into the Woodstick concert (by taping them onto Thompson), when a new text message for Tambry arrived.

From his vantage point on Lee's shoulders, Dipper couldn't help seeing what it said: "Tambry, You. Me. Date. Bring that sweet, sweet bod. Your secret admirer."

He didn't say anything, but as the gang scattered to get ready for the concert the pieces started clicking together in his mind: what Mabel had said about making Robbie happy; the diorama she had set up in the bedroom, with the figure of Robbie left on top of one of the buildings; and now this text, with a bold flirtation style that was all Mabel.

Should he say something? Mabel's scheme had the potential to mess with the social balance of the gang, just as he was starting to fit in.

Wendy was just ahead. Dipper thought about catching up with her and telling her his suspicions, but decided against it. She might be upset and it would be rough on Mabel. He should just go take care of it himself.

When he last saw Tambry, she was headed to Greasy's Diner, so that's where Dipper went.

* * *

At the Diner, Dipper found Tambry and Robbie sitting together in a booth, but not looking happy about it.

"Robbie, did Mabel set you up for this?" asked Dipper.

"Yeah dork, but I didn't know it would be Tambry," said Robbie. "As if."

"Don't worry, Dipper," said Tambry, scowling at Robbie. "We're so not happening."

"Where's Mabel? I need to talk with her about this," said Dipper.

"I saw her slip into the kitchen a little while ago," said Tambry.

Dipper came up behind Mabel, who was in the middle of pouring a pink glittery sauce on a basket of fries.

"Mabel!" Dipper shouted.

Startled, Mabel whipped around. A glob of the pink stuff flew onto Dipper, and some spilled out onto Mabel's hand.

"Dipper? What is it?" asked Mabel, a new glow coming into her eyes.

"I... I was going to tell you off for trying to set up Tambry with Robbie," said Dipper, his eyes aglow as well. "But it's not important any more."

"It wasn't working, but it will if I give them these fries," said Mabel. "They have love potion on them that I got from a real Love God... But now all of a sudden all I want to do is kiss you, bro-bro."

"I want to kiss you, too," said Dipper. "You don't think..."

"I do think..." said Mabel. "The potion works. It worked on us!"

"What are we going to do?" asked Dipper.

"I don't know," said Mabel. "We'll have to make it work, somehow."

"You're not giving it to Tambry and Robbie," said Dipper.

"Oh yeah, I am!" said Mabel.

"It's not right. I won't let you do this," said Dipper.

Dipper snatched up the potion-dosed basket and ran from the Diner out onto the sidewalk, with Mabel in hot pursuit.

"Please give me that back, broseph!" Mabel called.

Dipper turned to look to see if Mabel was gaining on him. He barely missed colliding with Pacifica (who was walking on the sidewalk near the Diner), dodged her, and ran into someone else instead, getting potion on them. Mabel dodged right and collided with another person, getting some of the potion on her hands on them.

"Dipper," said Candy, looking into his eyes and turning pink.

"Mabel," said Grenda, with a new note of passion in her deep voice.


	2. Contention

**Chapter 2 – Contention**

Candy asked, "Dipper, I was just wondering, would you maybe want to walk around the woods with me today?"

Dipper asked, "You mean, all of us?

"I mean, just us. You and me. Candy and Dipper."

Mabel came between them. "You stay away from Dipper. He's mine!"

Candy said, "You don't mean it like it sounds. You are brother and sister."

"Yes I do," said Mabel. "Dipper and I are in love."

"You're joking," said Grenda.

"No joke, it's true," said Dipper, putting an arm around Mabel.

"That is a very bad idea," said Candy.

Grenda said, "Mabel, don't you like me a little? I think you do, deep down. Remember when I held you and we read _Wolfman Bare Chest_ novels together? You got all sweaty and stirred up."

"That was Dipper in my body," said Mabel. "Remember the body-swapping carpet?"

"Well, it was really hot," said Grenda. "I wish I could be in love with you, Dipper, because I usually just like guys. But now all of a sudden all I can think about is Mabel."

"What has come over us?" asked Candy.

"Love potion," said Mabel. "I stole some from the Love God. He's a real cupid."

"How does this potion work?" asked Grenda. "Does it wear off?"

"It seems like whoever touches it falls in love with the first person they see," said Dipper.

"I wouldn't count on it wearing off," said Mabel. "It's magic, not some chemical."

"Then we are stuck in a love rectangle," said Candy. "Worse than a love triangle."

"I know how you two can get free," said Mabel. "The Love God has anti-love potion, too."

"Where can we find him?" asked Grenda.

"He's at the Woodstick festival today," said Mabel. "I bet you can raid his supplies while he's performing on stage."

"Our teenage friends are going," said Dipper. "I'll tell them you can have our tickets."

Dipper got out a piece of paper and wrote a note for Grenda and Candy to give to the gang.

"You'll find them getting together at Thompson's garage," said Dipper.

"Aren't you going to go, too?" asked Grenda.

"Mabel and I need some alone time to talk," said Dipper.

"And... stuff," said Mabel.

Candy and Grenda went off, whispering together.

Dipper and Mabel were heading back to their bedroom at the Mystery Shack when suddenly Dipper stopped.

"I have a bad feeling about this," said Dipper.

"About what? Us?" asked Mabel.

"No. About what Grenda and Candy are planning," said Dipper. "What if they get some of that anti-love potion and use it to break us up, in hopes that we'll fall for them?"

"They wouldn't... would they?" said Mabel.

"They just might. I think we'd better go after them at Woodstick, just to make sure," said Dipper.


	3. Circumvention

**Chapter 3 – Circumvention**

Grenda and Candy sneaked up on the van of the Love God. They didn't realize that Dipper and Mabel had sneaked into the Woodstick Festival and they were watching from behind a booth.

"Love God! Sound check for Love God," called a roadie.

The Love God rolled out of the back of the van. "Let's make some miracles happen. Groupies, bed-head me."

Tyler the biker and a woman they didn't know tousled the rock star's hair. He staggered away with them, saying, "The Love God's about to get crazy."

"Now's our chance," said Grenda.

They ran for the open back of the van, where a string of potion bottles had been left behind. Candy picked them up.

"Let's see..." said Candy, reading the labels. "Puppy Love, Inter-Species Love, Love of Country Music. Here it is. Anti-love. To reverse effects of love potion, simply spray on your victim and watch their heart die on the inside."

"Sounds like just what we need to break them up," said Grenda.

But when they turned around, the Love God was standing behind them.

"Hey! You're stealing my stuff," he said. "Ugh! I am not loving this."

"I'm sorry," said Grenda. "But Mabel and Dipper are making a mistake and we have to fix it."

"Kid, this stuff is way too dangerous. On my oath as a god, I cannot let you... Hey!"

Mabel had gotten behind Candy while she was distracted by the Love God and snatched the bottle of anti-love potion out of her hand.

Dipper and Mabel took off running, with the Love God, Candy, and Grenda in pursuit. They ran between the booths. When the Love God was gaining on Mabel, she tossed the bottle to Dipper. They ran onto the stage of the Handlebar Brothers, then escaped by crowd-surfing the audience.

"Thank you!" Mabel called out.

"Ugh, they're touching everything," said Dipper.

The Love God followed by crowd surfing too, high-fiving and giving out autographed photos as he went. Candy and Grenda also tried to crowd-surf after them, but they got less willing supporters, so they were slowed down.

As she ran, Mabel attached a spray-bottle top to the anti-love potion. "A couple of good shots and Grenda and Candy will be fixed. Then they'll leave me and Dipper alone."

The Love God flew above them on tiny wings, and landed in front of them. "You leave me no choice. Visions of heartbreak past!"

He threw down three bottles and Mabel was surrounded by the boys she had crushed on that summer: Norman, Mermando, Gabe, the Sev'ral Timez clones, the boy she gave a rigged survey to, and even the image of Alexander Hamilton from the ten-dollar bill.

Dipper punched through some of them. "You think we would fall for that?"

Mabel sneered, "What a bunch of losers! What did I ever see in you?"

Dipper called, "Mabel, it's all fake."

"Just give us the bottle, Mabel," said the false Mermando.

"Forget it, creep!" said Mabel, pushing out of the dream. "I don't love any of you!"

"Good for you, sis," said Dipper. "But... you're acting a bit different than usual. Are you all right?"

"That's impossible," said the Love God. "Nobody can resist the powerful love magic of the Visions of Heartbreak Past. Unless..."

The Love God looked more closely at the hand where Mabel was holding the bottle of anti-love potion. There was a dark stain on her hand; some of the potion had leaked out when she was putting on the spray top.

"Anti-love. But that wouldn't have any effect on you unless you were already under the influence of a love potion..." said the Love God.

Just then a giant flaming balloon head labeled "I EAT KIDS" descended directly towards the Love God.

"Watch out!" called Grenda, tackling him. Her great strength gave her sufficient leverage to shove him out of the way of the crashing balloon. She rolled to her feet.

"You saved me," said the Love God. "You could have let me die, but you saved my life. I owe you one,"

Grenda said, "Dipper and Mabel got love potion on each other and then on us. They're in love with each other..."

"I'm not," interrupted Mabel.

Dipper looked shocked. "You're not?"

"Not any more, brother," said Mabel coldly.

"...I love Mabel, and Candy loves Dipper," Grenda continued.

"I can't do anything about Mabel," said the Love God. "Anti-love is irreversible: she'll never love anyone again for the rest of her life."

"No!" said Dipper, Grenda, and Candy together. Mabel looked blank.

"But I could re-direct Dipper's love. He could be in love with either of you. Or both, and you could both be in love with him. I have some _Ménage à Trois_ potion."

"Both would be all right," said Candy.

Dipper said, "Candy and Grenda, I'm sorry we bumped into you with the potion and got you mixed up in all this. But I don't want to be forced into love with either of you. If I can't have Mabel's love, I'd rather join her in being loveless."

Mabel nodded and handed Dipper the bottle. Before anyone could stop him, Dipper sprayed himself with the anti-love potion. His face went blank.

"Here's your potion back, Love God," said Dipper. "Come on Mabel, let's get out of here."

He tossed the potion to the Love God, who caught it.

Mabel went with Dipper, calling back, "Have a nice life, ex-friends."

Candy and Grenda held each other and started to cry.

"That just leaves the two of you," the Love God said to Candy and Grenda. "The neatest solution is to redirect your love onto each other."

"What?" said Grenda.

"Wait!" said Candy.

"Match made!" said the Love God, flicking potion from another bottle unto them.

The two looked at each other, adoration in their eyes.

"I love you, Candy."

"Candy loves you, Grenda."

"There's something I need to tell you," said Grenda. "I'm a trans woman."

"What is that?" asked Candy.

"I'm a woman in my heart but my body doesn't match. I hope to get an operation someday. My parents say I'm too young to make that decision yet."

"Then you're really my boyfriend?" asked Candy.

"Girlfriend. This is a girl-girl relationship," said Grenda firmly.

"If you say so," said Candy.

"I do say so," said Grenda. "I get to choose my gender, and it's female."

"I can live with that," said Candy.

* * *

Dipper and Mabel watched from a hill near the rock festival.

"They deserve each other," said Dipper, with a smirk.

"Right," said Mabel.

"One advantage: I'm completely over Wendy," said Dipper.

"And I don't have to worry about any more failed summer romances," said Mabel.

"We can dedicate ourselves to solving the mysteries of Gravity Falls," said Dipper.

"And now that we're heartless, we can use things for our own advantage," said Mabel. "Like the memory eraser gun."

"And the President's Key," said Dipper.

"We could make another growing/shrinking ray," said Mabel.

"It works for me. Since we can't be partners in love, we can be partners in crime," said Dipper.

"Good idea," said Mabel.

Dipper opened his arms. "Hug without affection?"

"Hug without affection," said Mabel.

They embraced.


End file.
